When asking is difficult I can think of several reasons/excuses we come up with for not asking God for hellp. Maybe it never occurred to us. Perhaps our parents told us to and we were rebelliously refusing to ask. Maybe we’d asked before and no answer seemed to come at the time or in the way we wanted. Perhaps we were bargaining with Him:I’ll do this if you’ll do that for me.” How about “I’m just too sick to do it.” I am quite ill right now. This bug I thought I’d avoided by getting a flu shot last September sneaked up on me while I was back in the Midwest for my Dad’s memorial service. I’m blaming it on contagion, however, stress from the grief for my loss, the single-digit temperature with below zero wind chill factor, with snow on the ground, all could have helped it. (I live in California now and I have just had my determination to stay out here quite revived, weather-wise. At first I didn’t ask Jesus for help because the beginning bronchitis seemed mild. On the way home, I became worse and worse. I did ask Jesus to help me but rather flimsily. I missed a few days of work, doing nearly nothing. Yesterday afternoon I had made tea and was carrying it to the living room where I could sit and sort of enjoy it, though I had no sense of taste or smell. As I neared my chair, I had a sudden dizzy spell. My body twisted and turned and I tried to both grab the chair and sit while keeping my cup upright so I would not spill burning tea on me. Whew! That was a close one. I realized later that I had help on that gymnastics. I stayed there for some time. I became nauseous after a while and broke out into a terribly cold sweat. I had a hard time until it subsided. I hoped it had been related to the dizziness and that it would have passed, too. So I tried to stand alone. Nope! Couldn’t do it. I started to panic. My laptop that is usually on my desk was in my bedroom during my convalescence. Sending an email for help was out. Both of my phones were in the bedroom. I could not walk over to the neighbor’s apartment to get help, if she was home. Because I am blind, I do not drive so that was out; besides, getting to the car would have been impossible. I was really stuck. So finally I prayed, like Jesus was waiting for me to do! I told Him I needed to just get to that soft warm bed waiting for me in the bedroom, where my phones and laptop also happened to be. No change came immediately, however, the panick attack disappeared. I am one who has a history of panic attacks. I never understood that Jesus could be the antidote rather than medication or just living through them. Today I realized the panic I felt was related to doubt. I felt doubtful that anyone would help me. I felt alone; no one was there. This was simply not true. I had help waiting for me and Jesus was right there inside and around me, not only taking away the unnecessary panic attack but giving me the opportunity to come up with my answer. He knew this illness was taking its course and I had plenty of time to figure out how to get to my bed or to someone to communicate with. I had the idea of moving my chair a little at a time toward my bedroom. That way, I could sit, the chair had arms, so I probably would not fall. However, this bug had gotten to a point where I was far too weak to make this maneuver. I decided to stand behind the chair and push it forward, having it serve as a walker. This was a good plan except for my temporary weakness. So I just sat back and waited like I’d done earlier. My not getting to my bed was certainly not from not trying. I tend to be the type who, if one way doesn’t work, another almost always will. I finally realized that if I could just get the chair to my table and bookcases in the hallway, not too far from where I sat, I would have something to hold onto all the way to my bed. I used the chair as a walker as far as I needed, and though I lumbered and twisted and would have looked drunk to anyone who didn’t know better, I felt my way all the way to my blessed bed! Thank you, Jesus! He didn’t give me the answer right away. He knew I was the type who could brainstorm, even when I was ill. He knew I would come up with His answer, and I did–only because I asked! I may have even begged, please, please help me Jesus! He also knew that I am normally a patient person and I was no longer railing against Him as I’d done in the past. All of the “why won’t you do this?” “why are you letting me suffer like this?” “do you enjoy making us suffer?” etc, has been gone since my baptism in Jesus’ name and receiving the Holy Ghost. When I reached my bed, I crashed. Jesus’ Presence was there with me and I fell asleep. My cats were on the bed with me, aware of my illness, and we had a peaceful rest. I didn’t even cough for a while.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized
. Bookmark the permalink