THE CRUTCH

THE CRUTCH
The drs. have ordered that I have a hospital bed but Medicare is denying it. They think pillows and wedges can solve everything. Yeah, right. So we’re working through Craig’s list. But one of my acquaintances, a Christian, she claims, asked why I would get a hospital bed, “Isn’t that denying the healing power of Jesus?” she asked. To me that’s like telling me to refuse to use BartholoMEW, my long white cane, as a blind person, because that shows everyone that I don’t expect to be healed. I believe that Jesus can heal anyone of any situation, disease, injury, anything! He can. But He doesn’t always. He has His reasons. I don’t spend my life sitting around waiting to be sighted. When I was a secretary at the agency for the blind in the Midwest years ago, we had a client who wouldn’t go anywhere and wouldn’t learn to do anything as a blind person because she was miserable, felt bitter about it and expected Jesus to heal her any minute. She had an opportunity to learn to be the best-functioning blind person she could be and just to wait for the healing, but no; she stopped nearly dead in her tracks. They had to close her case because she refused to learn any alternative techniques of blindness such as braille, cane travel, computer access, etc. Soooo, what does that have to do with my forthcoming hospital or adjustable bed? Am I giving up on life, getting my deathbed, renouncing the possibility of healing? No! I’ve wanted such a bed for a long time. It will be more comfortable for me; will allow me to elevate my legs better, rest in less pain, allow the kitties to be on the bed with me, do my computer stuff from there, and so on. It is not an announcement of impending death but more comfort for my current life. Jesus wants me to have it. Just like He wanted me to have BartholoMEW. Some people scream at disabled people to give up their crutches and walk. Well, crutches help a person who can’t walk be more independent, not less. Crutches are not necessarily a sign of weakness; they’re a tool of independence, like Bartholomew, like the bed I hope to acquire. There are people out there with no visible cruch, cane, medical bed, etc, who are actually carrying unidentified “crutches” such as: smart phones, cars, printers, computers, intercoms to Baby’s room, toilets that flush and electrical conveniences, their clock/watch, and it goes on; they have “crutches” they don’t even recognize as such, but they are. And the people using those conveniences to make their lives better and themselves more independent, are not mediocre or lower-class citizens because they use them. So, no, I am not ashamed of BartholoMEW and no, I will not be ashamed of, or mournful like life is about over, by acquiring a hospital bed. And, no, I won’t stop hoping and praying for healing, however, I am not waiting for it to happen to use whatever I need to now to make the best of my life! I am not ashamed of appearing “unhealed” by some peoples’ standards. It is as respectable to be blind etc, as it is to be sighted, etc. Our conditions/situations do not lower the quality of our personhood. Jesus does not drop us down a notch or two or more when disabilities, illnesses, injuries, losses, etc, happen. He loves us just as much, no matter what. He does not look down on us for having a “crutch.” We all have at least one; no one gets by without having it, because we are all physically and mentally imperfect and in need of a cruch. Sure there are people who abuse their crutches and use cructh-types that are unnecessary, outgrown, unhelpful; I’m not talking about them:substance abuse, pornography, mistreatment of other humans and animals, being a control freak, coming off as a know-it-all, refusing to learn anything new, etc, these are all crutches that are detrimental. I’m not talking about those today. If the main “crutch” is Jesus, as some would say, so be it. I cannot do all that I want to by myself. I need His help. I cannot always think of exactly what I need to think of at a given time. I need His help. I cannot always find something here in this apt, and I need His help because He always knows where everything is. I need His song-writing/book/this very post, help; they wouldn’t happen without Him. I am a stronger, more vibrant, more positive, more into learning new things, more excited about other peoples’ accomplishments, more interested in helping people here where I live, because I don’t believe I can think and do everything myself and be perfect, at that. I know I have imperfections, “the sky is the limit” hasn’t happened for me, as a human in this world. But with the Spirit of Jesus in and around me, I am living a much more productive, interesting life. Without Him, I was too overwhelmed, too lost, too afraid to admit when I needed help, too afraid to ask for help, reluctant to give help, believing I wasn’t good enough for Jesus, agreeing I must be that terrible person some humans thought I was, having absolutely no idea why I was here, and often depressed. At least now, even when I am feeling terrible, experiencing more pain than I’d like to, being cloistered in the hospital, having to remember to take my antibiotic four times a day, etc, Jesus is always here, and He makes a difference to me. If He can make a difference to me, He can do the same for anyone out there who is spinning in negativity to a better quality of life. The hospital bed I plan to acquire is to help me live, not die.

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